A Hilarious Inside Look at a Pet’s Diary

Excerpts from a Dog’s diary

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  • 8:00 am – Dog Food!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 9:30 am – A Car Ride!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 9:40 am – A Walk in the Park!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 10:30 am – Got Rubbed and Petted!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 12:00 pm – Lunch!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 1:00 pm Played in the Yard!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 3:00 pm – Wagged My Tail!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 5:00 pm – Milk Bones!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 7:00 pm – Got to Play Ball!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 8:00 pm – Wow!!! Watched TV With the People!!! My Favorite Thing!!!
  • 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the Bed!!! My Favorite Thing!!!

Excerpts from a Cat’s diary

Day 983 of my captivity…

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for these rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped it’s headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear in their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies”. I must learn what this means and use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try again tomorrow-but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released-and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe…for now…

Kellie and I have dogs, no cats. I can honestly say that our dogs fit this to a tee. Do you have pets that fit these diaries? Let us know in the comments below. You can find a few more jokes in the Just For Laughs category. Hope you enjoy…

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